So you have had one too many scuffles lately and you think to yourself ‘why are these people driving me mad’?

Can’t they see the error of their ways?

Why are they deliberately pushing my buttons?

Or, why is it every time I put forward my ideas they are constantly rejected, looked over and not taken on board?

Well I’m sorry friend I must be brutally honest when it comes to how we relate to others…We need to hold up the mirror and have a look at the way other people see us.

Here are some tips to keep in mind when communicating
or seeking to build a relationship with others.

1. Look not straight at the person, or into their eyes, but into the ‘third eye’, the middle of the forehead just above the eyes.

When you do this you are respecting the other person’s Soul, their divine self.



2. Listen First and Allow people to talk about themselves




When you show interest in a person you make them feel special and important.


Do continue to look interested by nodding your head, and acknowledge what they are saying either repeating part of the conversation back and commenting, or state yes, or u-hum.


3. Be respectful of the other person’s views.




Be unafraid to state your views but be aware that the other person will have theirs. Give the other person a chance to be themselves around you. Even if you differ in opinion this develops mutual respect.


If you are uncomfortable with a point of view, in terms of it being extreme; thank the person for their honesty even though you disagree, you respect their right to it.


4. Be discerning in your Communications not Judgmental.




If you really want a conversation to flow and you know who you are meeting with, and it is important for you to have a repertoire…Be discerning and talk about the subjects you know they care about.


Do your research if it is someone of importance, a new employer or prospective business partner, you might want to look up their Facebook or LinkedIn profile.


The person will love that you thought about whom they are beside the normal chit chat about work, you have made an effort to get to know them and people remember you for it.


5. Be a Giver not a Taker when building your relationships.




For example it is common for people, especially women to hone in on what a new friend or partner likes.


When you meet with them it is not obligatory, but certainly provides the element of surprise when you give a gift.


The gift does not have to be big, just something that you know the person will like, if they collect cars get a die-cast car, if they like crystals get a small crystal to sit beside their bed, or candles, ornaments, jewellery…


Doesn’t even have to be bought, if you have a book, CD or DVD, providing you have seen the person being reliable, it is quite thoughtful to loan such items, for return at a later date… Always remember to label your name so that it serves as a reminder to come back to you.


6. Be receptive to new ideas yourself and be a mirror of how you would like others to receive you.




When you have an idea, to improve things in the boardroom, in a relationship, your own life…Create the scene to embark on this discussion. You might want to preempt the talk with people you know would have an interest in sharing, commenting adding to your idea.


Set the idea up with a hypothesis and write it down on a white board….eg. How do we increase our profitability margin by 10%?


When you set the idea up for group discussion first you get people involved and again they feel important.


The upside of this too is that you get to improve upon your ideas to increase profitability. The job here is to gain favor from your team, you want to be a people-person remember. When you put other people first before your ego, you will find that everything flows.


The momentum of building ideas in a team environment becomes a snowball effect, everyone benefits and the idea creates a communal consciousness which is very powerful for positive change.


While we are on the subject of ego…




7. “Let Go of the Ego” in the conversation

You have an ego yes, but keep it in check nobody likes to hear how important you think you are. You don’t want to appear arrogant or conceited.


When you allow the conversation to be ‘not about you’, you allow the other person to get to know you as an equal; this gives rise to feelings of familiarity and peace with that person.


Automatically you have created conditions for friendship to develop because both of you can just be yourselves.


You will know when ‘Ego’ comes into the conversation when you start putting “I, I, I” at the beginning of the sentences. Do watch for this because it is a real relationship killer.


My relatives were very forthright about letting me know when I was talking about myself and neglecting them…My uncle would say “I, I, I Captain”…


After a few times I got it and I apologized. I did not realize that I had neglected to note that everyone is trying to live their lives the same as what I was. We all have troubles and pain is a part of life. A friend said to me once, ‘if you don’t feel pain then it wasn’t worth it to begin with.’


However, if you really want to be a people-person then…




8. Be an asset not a liability in every communication.



In other words you might feel pain, but save it for your counselor. If you really want to get on well in this world, cut out the gossip…Deal with your conflicts with the person concerned. If the topic is too hot give each other plenty of space.


Get yourself calm and centered. When you are peace with yourself you can resolve just about anything to everybody’s satisfaction.


Write down notes on the problem and how to resolve it. Include the other person in the resolution; ask their point of view on the problem and how they think it should be resolved.


Reach a middle ground and free yourself up by letting go of all associated pain from the experience that includes, anger, depression, irritability and annoyance that you have not ‘won’ the battle.


Remember this is not about ‘winning’ your arguments it is about being a people-person. If you need to win something join a team sport and be competitive that way.


If you continue to feel pain once you resolve the conflict it is no longer the other person’s fault but yours.


After all pain is just your perception, only you can control your emotions.


If you resolve conflict well people will remember you as a person who handles their disagreements with diplomacy and dignity.


Thus, you are an asset because you are showing other people the right way to behave in the situation. The aim is to remain peaceful and caring toward the other person because you do not want to harbor any ill will.


Ill will is just that it will become an illness deep inside of you and you will be the one wearing the problem in the longer term.


Settle up differences, resolve them and move on quickly. Do not hang onto grudges and regrets…MOVE ON.


9. Appreciate the little things in your Life and Acknowledge them in others.



When you have an attitude of gratitude of all the gifts you receive along the way on this l’il journey called life, when you do get a major windfall or that lucky break…


Everyone you have been kind to and listened to cannot be happier for you. Have you noticed that?


The abundance is magnified because everyone wishes this for you…when they say things like, ‘nobody deserved that more than what you do, good on you’…then you know you are a successful person in this lifetime.


10. Don’t Forget to Smile and Laugh.

With all the serious issues going on in the world isn’t it time just to be a bit happy, laid-back, relaxed.

As long as you have a roof over your head, food on the table and a friendly ear to listen to you and vice-versa, then you are doing pretty well.

Trust me, get your laughing gear into gear, live longer, prosper and best of all be a better people-person.

…Login to Kezee’s Blog in the next week and we’ll talk about how to get more peace into your life. Every week we will talk about stuff that will help you create forward momentum in your life…

I know together we can make a difference to how you feel about your life on this planet, as we put the small stuff back in its place to help you focus on the bigger picture for yourself…

You will begin to feel freer, clearer and happier with where you are at every step of the way.